Donor-centered Language in the Subject Line
Experiment No. 009
The Second Person
In school, I was taught never to use the second-person point of view when wiring a paper.
Then I started writing in the ‘real world” and that rule was thrown out the window. While using a person’s first name is the best way to connect with a person, the second best way is to use the second person.
In nonprofit writing, more specifically writing fundraising appeals requires the use of the word “you.”
This seems standard practice now, but in case you haven’t heard it before make sure you use donor-centered language, like the using ‘you’ I know many people who will count the number of times, in their appeal, they use the words “I” and “we” compared to “you” and “us.”
If there is more first-person language than second-person language then you need to rewrite it.
7 Types of Subject Lines
(Take a quiz to find out which one you most resemble - Joking!)You know to write using donor-centered language. My guess is you also know the importance of the email subject line.
One study, from Convince & Convert, found that 35% of people will open an email based on the subject line alone.
You can break subject lines into 7 different types.
Command: Encourages an action.
Curiosity: Provide a snippet of text that builds intrigue and makes the supporter what to find out more.
Informational: Make a statement
List: Uses numbers
Question: Asks a question
Quote: Uses a quote from the email
Timeliness: Conveys a sense of urgency
The majority of nonprofit subject lines fall into the “Informational” category. But any of these types of subject lines can include second-person language.
Here are a few real examples from my inbox.
“Just for You: Trending Research Headlines” (Informational)
“Are You Struggling to Forgive?” (Question)
“Open if You Dare” (Curiosity & Command)
“We Urgently Need Your Help” (Timeliness)
Donor-centered language works in the email copy; therefore it must work in the subject line, as well. Right?
As a well-known college football broadcaster would say, “Not so fast, my friend.”
To get a true understanding we need to dive deep into the metrics.
The results from this test will force you to question what you know about subject lines and their purpose.
Research Question: Which type of subject line will improve an email open rate?
Hypothesis: The donor-centered subject line will have a higher number of opens.
Test Element: Subject line
Control - Informational
Test - Informational + Donor-centered (You)
Key Metric: Open rate
Sample Size: Used a 50/50 split
Control - 202,548
Test- 202, 573
When the list was split the contact size was even. The discrepancy upon sending happened because more addresses bounced in the control list.
Results: The donor-centered test subject line
Open rate - 3% lower than the control
Click rate - equal to the control
Conversion rate - 7% higher than the control
Application: The donor-centered subject line did not have as many people open the email as the control. If we stopped looking at the metrics there we would say the test did not perform as well. Yet, when we dug further into the metrics, we learned the test had a higher conversion rate. Since the point of the email was to get conversions, the donor-centered subject line performed better.
Future Tests: A good test will often lead to more questions. This test raised a few. New test ideas include:
Way to make the subject line donor-centered and more appealing to encourage more supporters to open.
Try it with a different or segmented audience, donors vs non-donors.
Final Thoughts: You need to decide the purpose of the email. While we strive to get high opens and high conversions, this may not always be possible. Just because an email gets more opens does not mean it will also get more conversions. You may need to sacrifice a higher open rate for a higher conversion rate. In the end, know the key metric that means success to you and your organization.
